I smoked. I talked to the doctor's office today and told them. The pulmonary therapist said to figure out how many I am smoking a day and then cut back a half cigarette a week. She also told me that most people who quit cold like I did go back within a month. Now, I will start over again. I thought I was smoking about 6 a day but realized that I smoked 10 yesterday and so far 8 today.

I will not smoke more than two tonight.

Tomorrow I will only have nine and a half.

Well, another day and still no cigerettes.

I Love me.

I am a happy, healthy non-smoker.

I, Joan McNulty Pulver, desearve a smoke free life.

Those are my affirmation for this week. I will say them several times a day - I will stop smoking.

I can do this!

Still not smoking and doing better

February 15, 2009 - I have to keep this up. No smoking. I am a happy healthy non-smoker. I need to keep saying affirmations to rid myself of this awful addition. I know most of the nicotine is already out of my body but the psychological and emotional dependency is still there. I have to overcome this. NO!

I WILL OVER COME THIS BECAUSE I AM A STRONG WOMAN AND I CAN DO ANYTHING!

I have the power to do this. I will use these affirmations to create my own healing.

I can and will do this.

The beginning

02/13/09 - Friday the 13th - I guess I really should have started this journey on the first day of the changes in my life. I was very sick on February 2, 2009. At 4:30 the next morning my grandson called 911 and I was transported to the hospital with COPD and possibly an attack of Congestive Heart Failure. I could hardly breathe, my oxygen levels were down in the low 80's (they should be in the 90's) and my blood pressure was so low they had to take me off most of my heart meds to get it regulated.

I take heart meds to regulate my heart and diuretics to help dispense the fluid buildup in my body. I am not sure which came first in this case, the low oxygen levels or the low blood pressure. Each one causes the other. At any rate, I couldn't catch my breath enough even make it from my room to the rest room.

Now, I have to get back to where I was or even better. That would be nice. More later.

Bedridden

2/9/09 - Right now I am virtually bedridden. I get out of breath just going to the potty next to my bed. I can’t even get off the 4 liters of oxygen to go to the rest room. This is very scary. I want my life back.

I usually use 2 liters at night and none during the day and am active. I need to get back to that. I need to stop smoking! I need to live a better life. I will lead a cleaner, better, life so I can be there for my family. I love my children and grandchildren and want to be there for them. How am I going to accomplish this?

2/12/09 - I got out of the hospital last night. I am able to walk with two liters of oxygen but still get out of breath easily, and have to walk very slow. My son came by last night and brought me a DVD entitled You Can Heal Your Live. It is all about making affirmations and believing in yourself and how you feel about yourself.

The first thing is "love" yourself. This concept seems kind of funny me. Not, haha funny but weird funny. We spend our lives loving other people, our mates, our children, our friends but I never thought about loving myself. I mean I know my kids love me. I have friends who care a lot about me and would miss me if I left this plane but I never thought about loving myself.

I am basically a good person, happy to help others who need a hand. I was always a team player, sometimes to my detriment, when I worked in an office, and now in the electronic publishing business. There isn't much I wouldn't do for Margaret, Donna and the other editors on the ePress staff.

I need to get to bed now and get some rest. More on the self healing tomorrow. Tonight I say my affirmations befors I go to sleep.

I love myself
I am a happy, healthy non-smoker
I have a lot to live for
I love myself